FACING LIFE’S DECISIONS

PART 1

It is one thing to make dire decisions for someone else. I know, I have had to do it many times in my life. They were never easy. They were always gut wrenching.

I had a pretty good idea of what those people that I made the decisions for wanted. Through many conversations that addressed issues, other than the life and death decisions I was able to create a fairly good idea of what they would have wanted. Sometimes they told you what their preferences were when faced with a similar situation but regarding someone else. These were days before “advanced directives” and “living wills.”

I can cite some examples of what I am talking about. Visiting my mother in ICU, when she was comatose, my late wife said to me that she would never want to be in that situation. The quality of life is more important than quantity. That was her position – and it never, ever waivered. Who wants to be remembered being tethered to tubes? She had very definite ideas about this subject and other related subjects. For example, attending a funeral she indicated that when it was her turn to go she wanted a view. Ironically, exactly one year to the day later she got her view. Her turn came too soon but when it did I was well informed and it made the decision process easier – not easy, it is never easy, just easier.

To make the process easier, she had a living will. At that time I believed in life no matter what. She understood my feelings so at the time so she appointed someone else to make those kind of decisions decisions if they needed to be made. Even though and in spite of the idea that I held at that time that life was to be maintained at all cost, I would have followed her wishes. I am not sure that that my idea of life being maintained was another way of saying I wasn’t prepared to let go –G-d knew I wasn’t!

My mother did not have any advanced directives so my father had to make the decision to create a DNR order for my mother. I witnessed how it tore him up. Fortunately, my mother succumbed without the need for the order to be invoked. Through the discussions we had, I now knew what my father would have wanted had it come to that. Again, he succumbed without the need for any directives. I knew where and how he wanted to be buried because we also had lengthy discussions regarding my mother’s internment.

I am about to have some surgery (this article will not be published till after I am out of the hospital). Today (June 28th) I spent the morning talking to admitting people, physicians assistants, anesthesia people, had an EKG and then tomorrow I finish my blood work (June 29th)before seeing my primary care physician to be cleared for the surgery. (June 30th). Just a week to go! Woweee!

Most of this is pretty routine except the seven page form entitled, Advance Health Care Directive that I was handed and instructed to bring to the hospital at the time of the surgery. My wife and I have Living Wills, but this is more specific. The questions that were asked really had me thinking and worse, disturbing my sleep. I had to make these decisions for myself. What do I want? First, elect someone to make these decisions based on the information that I specify on the form. Then it asks to name at least two other people if the first person designated can’t make the decision. The hospital realizes and knows that these decisions are gut wrenching even with the AHCD. So, unbeknownst to them, those people that I selected are elected and will find this out when and if the time comes – unfair yes, but I felt that these people could act out of love and understanding and I hope that in the event this it becomes necessary, they will act with love! Name two others just in case. Make sure they are not too anxious.

Then the form asks as you to determine when you feel that your life should be prolonged or when it should not be prolonged. How much pain do I want to endure? How much can I endure? I suggested that if the pain is so intense that pain medication be applied even if it hastens my death. This form is hastening my death.

I am sitting here filling out this form and I have to tell you that I am really scared sh-tless! I understand the need for such information. I have been there and I have done that – but for others – not me. I also understand that I want my loved ones to know what I want – I guess that is the most important part of this exercise. I am trying to not put the burden of decision making on anyone else but me – I am still responsible for me – even when I am not in a position to verbalize what I want. I guess this is my own version of the “Palin Death Panel!” I am a panel of one.

And lastly, do I want to be an organ donor? I said, “Yes.” But only for transplant and research purposes. Most of my parts are in good condition so why not! I have been an indirect recipient and beneficiary of organ donors and I cannot say no to anyone that will enjoy a longer life, a renewed life as a result of using my organs. I guess, as we say, it is a mitzvah. Even in death, you should try to do the righteous thing. Also, I am trying to pay it forward! I am hopeful that payday is a long way off.

Have I grossed you out? Need an antidepressant yet?

PART 2

I would say that I am being overly dramatic. I inherited it from my granddaughter who got an A in Drama last semester. And a grandson who is in Drama Camp this summer.

All went well. I am lucent and ready for the world once again. OK, I need to have device for picking up my clothes from the floor (wife doesn’t count), I have to wear a support brace – that is temporary, I need a good looking home health nurse to care for the surgical wounds. – but overall and all things considered I am doing great.

No, I haven’t thrown the paperwork away. It will sit in my safety deposit box until needed, if ever. It is there to reassure my loved ones that in the event of the need they have the information they need to satisfy my requirements, their needs and make my transition a seamless passing through one life to another.

Here is the positive side of this issue. No one has to guess. It is not that complicated. I want to be remembered in part as one who made everyone else’s life a little better. Hopefully, this will help - - - - along with a major inheritance. Since the inheritance IS NOT happening then the AHCD will have to do and the two hundred bucks you find in the socks, – hey, at least it is something! That is me – but when it comes to you, you decide.