A FAR BETTER PLACE

I suggest a drink before reading this:

When we go to some funerals we hear these words. “He/ she is in a far better place.” Really?! How do they know that? Have they been there to witness the streets with trees and beautiful flowers adorning the paths? No traffic jams? No pollution? And the two things that are for certain in this life are death and taxes. Can you be dead twice?  When you are dead who is going to tax you? The Eternal Revenue Service?

So, it may be that when laid to rest or cremated or buried at sea you may find yourself in “far better place.” If you do, call me.

We talk about spirits never dying. I would love to believe that. The persons that have died leave their energy force for us to feel. That energy, as described by many, is available to us to tap into and we are able contact those that are in a far better place. If that is true and you believe it – great!

Here is what I see. Being in that far better place stops that person from growing older and gaining the knowledge and experience and sometimes the wisdom that age brings. That person is frozen in time and will be remembered as we last saw that person. The 21 kids at Sandy Hook will never go to college or even high school. They will never experience first loves, first heartbreaks, first sex, first R rated films. Maybe in that far better place they have theaters, young women that will provide for them. But they will have been too young to appreciate or even know what they are missing.

Their far better place is in a plot of land in Connecticut that is dedicated to interment. Lowered in a box down six feet and covered with soil with the hope that their spirit will somehow emerge and give us signs that they are with us. That would be very heartening – were it true.

I had attended a funeral for a young man that went to school with my daughter who was killed in a drug buy. We all went to the grave side and listened to the clergy talk about that better pace for this young man. I guess that there are no drugs in that better place. Now this "young man with is now with his savior." Where was the savior when he was being murdered?

Seventy two virgins are provided for Islamic men who die as “martyrs.” That, if true, is a better place. Not one Islamic man has returned for treatment for STDs. With 72 women at his disposal there has to be one that got something to transmit. What about Islamic women?  Is that a far better place for them? If they are not virgins can they be reassigned? What about Islamic women that are martyred? What does their “far better place” look like?

My point is that when someone dies they do not go to a “far better place.” They go to the local cemetery. They take with them all the life experiences they have had to that point. They take their loves that they have demonstrated to friends and family with them. They take their intellect, their knowledge, their desires, their personalities but not their worldly goods to that plot of land.

In one of the readings done during a memorial service, says “do not go there for I am not there. “ Then where are you? That plot of land is the last place I saw you. It is my hope that there is a spirit that lives and somehow we can experience that spirit or that energy. But, I still do not think that it is a far better place. We cannot touch them nor them us. We cannot hear them nor them us. We cannot see them nor them us. The best that we can hope for the energy that we feel when we think of the departed, the energy we feel when we touch what that they have treasured in this life.

Recently, I have read the obituaries in the Los Angeles Times. (If I don’t see my name I feel that his is a good day for me.) So many obituaries begin by saying “he/she is in a far better place.” But then go on about where the funeral will be.

To me the better place is in our consciousness. People who die live through us. When we discuss them, when we recall them, when we relate common experiences with them, when we cry for them and when we laugh recalling them. This is the one life we know and for the people who have passed on that better place may be in our hearts and minds.

We never think of the dead in negative terms (I am speaking of close friends and family. The better place may be the positive things that we recall.) That is the place, in our memory, that gives us joy by recalling the person in life.

Kabbalah teaches us that to be with the light is actual peace. I have experienced that on one rare occasion.  When a person dies they say they are at peace. That thought is comforting but misleading. When a person dies they are in absolute darkness. They experience no light, no pain – nothing sensory, so are they at peace. I do know that some people actually crave their moment of death because of the pain they are in. I truly believe that there is something in our brains that prepares us for that moment when there is no more pain. Remember Philadelphia Story with Tom Hanks? He was in a great deal of pain but clung to life then said,” I am ready now.” Was he going to a better place? He was about to be in no pain at all and that may be a better situation, but he had to lose life to achieve it.

There are stories of “near death” experiences. The operative words are “near death.” No-one who has died has come back at a later date in time and reported on what they experienced after being dead. Even the TV Show Resurrection does not tell you where the were only that they came back. The characters come back exactly as they were when they "died."

I have pondered these questions since the moment my wife died. I was looking for some comfort in knowing that she may be in a better place. I am not trying to make you uncomfortable with death as death is a very common part of life as we all will experience it at some time. From the very instant we are born we are journeying to our death. What we do in the time in between is what defines us and what we have done in life is what keeps us alive long after we have gone. Two examples: Jesus and Hitler.

That is my take – you decide.