PERILS OF ON-LINE SUPPORT!

Lately I have the misfortune of dealing with on-line (telephone support people) regarding many different problems from travel, visa requirements, downloading software, banking issues, product return issues and more. I am not sure why I have had so many issues in such a short time, but there they are.  I must commend a lady at Verizon Wireless for her courtesy and knowledge – she is one good person that stands out of the so many ill trained, ill-disciplined and just don’t care what tour problem is – they have a script for that.

Part of the problem is geography. You call an 800 number and you get someone in the Philippines. When that person has a problem with your problem she or he transfers you to a “supervisor” that has just a little more knowledge, so you think – but that person is in Mumbai. The supervisor also is ill equipped or trained to answer your question so off you go to another part of the world. While waiting for that person to pick up you visualize yourself on an airplane going to that part of the world to strangle the voice on the other end of the line. The hold time is almost as long as the flight.

They have a script and they must read every word regardless of whether they are addressing your problem or not. They don’t slow down or pause for a split second. So finally in frustration you yell, “SHUT UP!” And of course they don’t. When and if they do, they say I must transfer you and before you can say “don’t” you are once again on hold.

The next person says that they can assist you like they think they really can. But first you must provide the last four digits of your mother’s maiden name, the street you were born on, and the address of your proctologist to verify that you are you! “Yes,” he says I can solve your problem, “ what is the problem?”

After two hours on the phone, listening to otherwise hysterical clerks trying t read their  poorly written scripts, speaking in strange high pitched accents, admonishing you if you don’t hear what they say you will forever be in problem limbo and nothing can happen and to this point, nothing has happened except your blood pressure has risen above today’s Dow!

Now this voice resonating several octaves below the last several vices you experienced, says slowly, in an authoritative tone, just click the little bar at the bottom of the page – and voila, the problem is solved. Huh! I just spent some long and arduous minutes, maybe even hours to get to this point. Why wasn’t squeaky voice one and squeaky voice number two or all the squeaky voices t rained to instruct the caller in the first place.

The squeaky voices come from call centers all over the world. The last guy was hemisphericaly local. In other words he knows his audience. He understood the culture that he was addressing. However, the product or service provider didn’t but should have known that we want immediate answers from people who can provide them.

I have had a phone tech support guy tell me that, “That is good.” When in fact I described a potential catastrophic problem that was looming. They are automatons that just know how to read scripts written for them by people who have no idea of what a problem is. They are not taught courtesy. They won’t listen because they have no idea of what the problem is – but talking over you and not taking a breath you will go away. But not before they ask you to take a small survey that will rate their service. Love the small 20 minute survey! “Please, sir, can you rank you experience today. One being the worst and ten being the best.” The experience was the rankest I have ever had. I have yet to give above a one and they are so appreciative – because, once again, they weren’t listening.

When they get back on the line they ask what else can they provide today. I always ask for their boss. The boss comes on and asks you to provide the last four digits of your mother’s maiden name, the street you were born on, and the address of your proctologist to verify that you are you!

That is when I tell them to stick it - where the proctologist does!

That is my take, what’s your experience?