POOR TEVYA

If he knew how right he was one hundred and fifty years ago he would have sang the song “Tradition” even louder. He was so right, tradition is like the fiddler on the roof, very precarious. It saddens me that traditions are not valued as they once were. The retort that “times are a changing” is not enough to justify the things we hold dear and look forward to.

In my family I tried to create a minchag. That is a family tradition. I provide the Talit for all my grandchildren for their Bat or Bar Mitzvah. The talit have to come from Israel. There was one shop that I got the first six  and now I need two more so I will have to obtain them long distance from my friend at Ora Gifts in Jerusalem. I will maintain that minchag. And a friend.

Another minchag that I tried to create was “Grandpa’s Bag of  Gold” for Chanukah. With their gelt the kids get to read some  poetry that I attempt to write about the family and the holiday.  I hope that these minchag (don’t know the plural) will live on in my family’s memory long after I am gone.  And as I Iook back I remember my father, my uncles, my aunts and my mother creating a minchag of preparing the Pesach meal at my Grandmother’s house. (Actually, it was my aunt’s house, but when they were cooking, no doubt was my Grandmother’s house).

Traditions add richness and color to the time. Handing down the Torah scroll at the Bar/Bat Mitzvah service is one of my favorite minchags (plural). It says so much about family and the traditions that come with that symbolic deed.

Traditions are repeated from generation to generation (L’dor V’dor) in spite of the fact some are difficult and time consuming, but they are worth it. It is maintaining the chain and richness of the event or time.

I recall my late wife spending hours creating rhymes for the people to be honored as they light the candles on the Bar/Bat Mitzvah cake. The light of the candles is symbolic of creating a future of bright expectations and wishes from family and friends. Connecting the generations with the light of a candle. I complained that some of the candle lighters at my kid’s parties I did not know well, I was informed they knew us and they respected our family. I am sure the kids did not know some of their candle lighters but I can’t imagine not having some distant relative who was very influential to either me or my wife in our way of life not being honored. To a thirteen year old that may not be important, and it is the B’nai Mitzvot’s night. But it is also the night for family and friends to celebrate. I was told that was too much trouble. The hire someone to write your rhymes. Don’t write rhymes just make statements as to why these people are important enough to be honored. This is a minchag that needs to be maintained.  


At my Bar Mitzvah,  my friend  was empowered to squeeze the light of the candle out because we had too many people to light the candles. The blisters on her two fingers from the flame have long since healed. That was 61 years ago but she talks about that “honor” today. What a delightful memory!

Times have changed, no more bands (I just went to a Bat Mitzvah with an 11 piece orchestra with four dancers – a little much for a Bat Mitzvah) just disc jockeys that know how to keep a party moving. Love the music and the energy. This also a turning point as some thirteen year old boys ask thirteen year old girls to dance – for the first time in their lives.

Traditions have crossed pollinated. The raising the Bar/Bat Mitzvah on chairs is actually a wedding ritual stemming from Orthodox Jewish weddings. Minchags  can be borrowed.

Minchags create memories. Memories that make you smile. Memories that warm the moment. So, why are we so quick to extinguish a minchag? Because not everyone at the event will understand and / or appreciate the beauty of it? So, what!

Theme parties are the thing. It was just a week ago that I was reminiscing with someone about my son’s Bar Mitzvah. She was hired to create a theme emblematic of his interests and also his friend’s interests. A good time was had by all, the kids and the adults.

Tradition is important  to me. It was important to my late wife, my parents and in general, to my peers.

Some traditions are embedded in the liturgy. Blessing over the wine. Blessing over the bread.  As we end an era, our Bat/Bar Mitzvah is now deemed an adult, we start another by saying amen and L’Chiam!

The Bar Mitzvah Boys at Normie’s Bar Mitzvah circa 1954: LtoR:  Solly Freedman, Eddie Lupo, Davey Freedman, Alan (the Bovitz) Myers, Howie Gelbsman, Ally Cohen

That is my take – you decide