MY DIAMOND YEAR

 

Ok, so you all know how old I am! It is hard to fathom that I am this old. It does get you thinking: It gets you pondering about all you missed all you did and all you wish you did better. The latter is everything, except maybe my kids. I could not have done any better. Lucky, I guess but I will take some credit.

What other things could I have done better? Planning a career, but time is the navigator and what happens in time dictates your path. There are so many influences along the way. My late wife really fought me on one career move and she was so right.  I did better, I followed her loud but precise direction. Without her support I would have not taken advantage of other opportunities. We moved to the east coast because she said we should (and I wanted the promotion). Was it a great move? No, but I did get some great learning experiences which helped later in my career path.

It may not have been great but my wife and I got take our first trip to Europe and North Africa I got to travel to Japan for the first time. All as a result of the move to the east. My kids got to go to Yankee Stadium and Fenway Park. They got the Christmas Experience of New York City. They got closer to east coast relatives on my side and my late wife’s side. These relationships now span two generations and are still strong.  Bottom line, in retrospect, it was a great move.

There is a lesson here: If you make the best of the situation you get good outcomes. So, for the first 75 years I tried to make the best of all situations. It is not always easy. Basic Training and Combat Engineer Training was hard and different but I grew up and became self- sufficient. I even learned to sew. Good decision, I guess.

College was also interesting. My kids all had better college experiences than I did. But I did get through my senior year with my sweetheart that I married after six years. So, my senior year in college was outstanding as I had an amazing support system and a good typist at home.

That was the first 21 years of the first 75 years. What did I miss? Can’t think of a thing.
Next came kids - all good decisions.

While living on the east coast, my wife and I made the decision to return to California. It took 10 months to sell our home. My eldest daughter declared her life to be over. It was a temporary situation as in 2 .5 years she had a Sweet Sixteen Party with 200 of her closest friends. The high school basketball team were the bouncers that kept order. – life rejuvenated .

All three had school trips to Washington DC. Yes, it was a good decision but one nerve wracking trip till they get home.

Moving on in the 75 year journey got all three kids educated by the time I was 52 years old. All of us were really educated. My wife got sick two months after my 48^th birthday. The journey of a life time begins. Until just after my 52^nd birthday the journey was intense. I could not have done any better than the friends we had during that time. The support the love the attention, the emotions, the laughter and The tears were also quite intense.  No, there were no better people anywhere. Having all those people in our life at that time was a great decision or circumstance. I look back with pride and with warm feelings.

At my 50^th birthday party, one that I did not want because of the health ramifications with my wife, but she made it anyway, many of the people who were there are no longer with us. There are no regrets just happiness that I fought her wishes and I let her win – a good decision on my part. I look at the photo of that party and there are so many stories emanating from the friends and family that were there.

The good news for me  is that I am still here pondering the past 75 years, the bad news is that I am doing  It alone. The good news is that many of the people in the photo are still with us today. I still have the  Dodger Cap and jacket that were my birthday gifts from the Screwpals (and I still have the T shirt, too).

From 48 to 52 life was a major rollercoaster ride. My eldest got married and I was so worried about my wife’s condition in making the wedding, but I don’t regret letting her do it. During that time my younger daughter graduated from her college, my son went to the University of Arizona and my eldest started her career in the medical field. The graduation at San Francisco State was a giant memory that generates smiles and great feelings from the breakfasts at the Marriott where the Myers and the Freedmans drove the staff crazy to the ceremony at the stadium where my daughter was honored.

What highs!

More highs, I took my wife along with my cousin and his wife to Hong Kong where we had a great Experience. Shopping in crazy places. Touring Macau and SzenSzen, Stanley Market and out of the way places that the concierge suggested, looking for bargains.

More highs.

A month later – real lows! 

1989 was the start of the four year ordeal where decisions would be made, questioned, re-evaluated, second guessed all in the hope of a positive outcome – not knowing when and how that will happen.

I don’t know how we would have made better decisions. Our principal doctor who my wife did not like, at first, became her best friend and nurtured here through this ordeal. Most of the time I just nodded in agreement because the path was clear. The goal was simple – life! It was a complicated and intense process that spanned four years. The outcome was not what we hoped for but I cannot look back and say what I might have done different.

After ten years I remarried. That I can look back say that I should have done it differently. Or, not done it at all.

There were clues. I watched how my new wife and her mother treated and talked about her step sister and step brother and their kids. That was a revelation that I did not pay close attention to, till it was too late. So, I ended up on a very uncomfortable sofa bed that was designed to discourage her step sister from staying at our house. What I did better was not spending my nights on the sofa bed without an air mattress.

Free from that entanglement, my life got so much better.

That was up until age 70. In the meantime, my kids made me a 60^th birthday party where my late daughter-in-law was the bartender who mixed a great martini. Like my 50^th, there were so many people there that was important in my life. So many that are not here now. I have grandchildren named for so many:

Myles Parker and Cate. Spencer Logan, Jacob Samuel. What would I have done different?  Not tried to sing like Sinatra.

Since the 65th surprise party many have left us. All the memories are still there. Those people that are still here bring happiness and provide for new and exciting times. For twenty four years, with the exception of that nine year mistake, my life has been so much better. Traveling to far away places, experiencing new things, meeting new people, making new friends in countries I only dreamed of visiting has added so much color and so many new tchotchkes for my bar.

Yes, there were close calls. My son-in-law and I shared hospitals while he had brain surgery then I had heart surgery. We made good decisions as we are both doing quite well. We are all  celebrating his Golden Birthday as we celebrate my Diamond Birthday. 

As I look back, I have no regrets. Oh, there are moments on that time span that I wish I had dealt with better. There is a cure for that – time. As I hit 75 I am looking ahead to my next destination, to my next tennis match. My next bar or bat mitzvah of  a grandchild and may be I will get to see a granddaughter get married. Those events have nothing to do with decision making. The decisions that got to this point have been made years ago. I just want to lean back and kvell.

See you in eight years at my next Bar Mitzvah.

That is my life – you decide.